28 Random Things About Me In Honor of My 28th Birthday

thoughts

I haven’t had time to write one of my usual longer form blog posts, including a recap of my 28th birthday, so I sat down to ramble-out 28 random facts about me.

Here ya go!

1. I am COMPLETELY addicted to chewing ice. It is new – it started this year. I had a friend in high school who was addicted to chewing ice and I thought she was INSANE, and our other friend had an ice machine in her kitchen and the one friend used to like, fiend out for it and not one ounce of my brain could comprehend it. It just didn’t compute. It was incomprehensible. I thought she was so weird. And this year, I became addicted to chewing it. I take big cups out every morning and night and just chew little pieces of ice. I live for it. I’m like a drug addict. I love. chewing. ice.

2. Second only to ice is my strange addiction to pretzel crisps. I go through bags a day. I wake up in the middle of the night craving them. When they are in the house, they are what I eat for breakfast.

3. I have a *REMARKABLE* talent for noticing people’s hair cuts — even T-H-E- most subtle trims ever. It is not relegated to people I know very well, like friend, boyfriend, coworkers, family etc. Any human being whom my eyes have ever seen, I will know if that person has gotten a hair cut. I NEVER miss it, and I am never wrong. Random people I’ve met only once before, or just people you wouldn’t think I’d notice if they got a haircut, like one of the security guards at work or a waiter at a restaurant — I know. I always say “did you get a haircut” and the person is ALWAYS like “uh….yeah…I did…” ?? It’s weird.

4. The other strange talent I have like this is zero-ing in on EXACTLY which drawer contains the silverware in people’s kitchens. It’s FREAKY. Like legitimately weird. I just sense it. I feel it. And it’s NOT ALWAYS like “where you’d think”, for those who are hating on this talent thinking it’s pretty obvious like it’s always next to the sink or something. It’s not. TRUST ME, the drawers / cabinets / vestibules people keep their silverware in are RANDOM AF and all over the place in kitchens, and I will walk into a new kitchen, feel it, reach for it, and be right. 100 percent of the time. Actually I’ve been wrong once. It really threw me. I’m still reeling.

5. I am not “crafty” in the traditional sense, like I can’t sew or fix things the “right way.” But I can cobble things together with nothing. I get/got that from my dad, who can fix a car with a jump rope, string a set of lights with a nail clipper, and fix a broken suitcase wheel with a piece of chalk.  It is some s-e-r-i-o-u-s Macguyver/resourceful shit.

6. I RUTHLESSLY chew my nails, bite my lips, etc. Like until they are raw and bleeding. My friends and boyfriend haaaaate it. It’s literally like………bad. I will literally drip in blood and am never without band-aids / almost always have them on my fingers. People are always horrified and I’m like, oh this bleeding appendage? That’s nothing.

7. I RUTHLESSSLY check out other women in a pseduo sexual way. Alex is so funny teasing me about it when I’m out with him in public. He says I check out girls’ bodies in a more offensive and flagrant way than his grossest male friends. I will barely realize I’m doing it, and there will be a pause and he’ll just be like “so……….I’m just wondering how it felt to rape that woman’s ass with your eyes.” And then I burst into laughter. Like I actually get into trouble with my staring. I am basically a flat out creep. All my friends make fun of me for it. I will just stare when I see a pretty woman. I appreciate beauty and the female form, sue me.

8. If left to my own devices, I will put off eating and peeing for as long as I possibly can. I love love love love food but only when it’s already part of the schedule, or an effortless passing act I can do while continuing to do what I was already doing. Like if I’m meeting someone for dinner, great. If I am walking PAST a Cinnabon stand ,and can purchase and eat a cinnabon in under one minute, great. But if I’m in the middle of cleaning, or shopping, or writing, or studying, and I have to STOP to fucking FEED myself? Bitch PLEASE.  There is nothing I find more annoying and intrusive. And same exact thing with peeing. Like I always joke how demeaning it is. Like you get cocky, in a flow doing something where you’re feeling super-human and awesome, like I’m in the middle of writing a really great piece and I’m on a high and I’m crushing it and then my stomach is like “UM UM, EXCUSE ME, UM, HEY, UM, REMEMBER ME, HEY HEY FEED ME I NEED FOOD” and then I’m reminded that I am nothing more than a machine, a vessel, that can’t fucking go longer than 3 hours without needing fuel, like a little BITCH. Like really? I have to STOP WHAT I’M DOING TO PUT A STRING CHEESE AND CARROT STICK IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW JUST SO I CAN CONCENTRATE AGAIN? AYFKMRN??! I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO!!!!!!!

…..Than like, “fix” a plate of food. I wish, if I had to, that I could just like honk a little horn and it would give my body the fuel/energy it needs to keep going and then that’s it. I hate that eating involves like, opening packages and sprinkling almonds onto things and like, decanting cereal into a bowl and pouring the milk and having to spoon small portions of it into your mouth one spoonful at a time. Literally are you kidding me. Am I a child in a high-chair. And then having the fucking dishes when it’s over. Ugh. And chopping. And like simmering and pans and tools and temperatures and time. No. Just no. That’s why I like croissants. Just buy it, eat it, walk. Boom, bye. Nothing. No opening, no sprinkling, no dishes, just food in your hand. Bagels with cream cheese are even too much effort because the creamy cream cheese can smear and get all over things. Croissants have crumbs and flake everywhere but at least they like, blow away in the wind. Cream cheese like…sticks to things. Croissant is my ultimate food. Literally done in one bite.

Likewise with the body needing to empty itself. Don’t even get me started on peeing. When you’re like having the best dinner conversation EVER and you’re vibing and the jokes are flowing and then someone has to STOP the flow to literally……get up and go to a bathroom and PEE? And then they come back to the table and it’s like…..awkward and no one knows what they had been talking about or remembers where they were and all of the smooth vibes of earlier are gone and forgotten and it’s like “heyyy so…where were we…………..should we get the check or something..?” Peeing is one of the most insulting acts we have to do as humans. I hate it. When I’m laying out SUN TANNING at a park, feeling it, feeling the sun, reading a book, on a blanket, and then 2 hours go by and I have to literally SHUT THE ENTIRE OPERATION DOWN, because I have to PEE (!!!!!). Like there are no bathrooms around, and I can’t leave my stuff lying out at a park, so I have to literally P.A.C.K. up my bag and speaker and towel and phone and book to DRIVE to a nearby CVS so I can fucking P.E.E. There is nothing more interrupting.

hahahahahahha I am laughing out loud right now — I just realized that between the addiction to chewing ice, hating to eat, and ruthless chewing of my nails that I am REALLY making myself out to be a crack addict. ……………don’t know what to say here……Alex made me add that I am currently doing all of the above. (That is, putting off dinner, chewing ice, and chewing my nails. It’s true).

9. I read magazines backwards (I think I’ve said that somewhere on this blog before??? Have I? I don’t know).

10. I know the lyrics to basically every song ever written.I think people comment on this more than any other single about me, other than my energy. That’s the thing I hear most from people is that I have a really really good energy. I like and appreciate that. Both types — the kind of energy that is like…..alive / full-of-life/ feeling-it/living-it/loving-it, and also the kind of energy that’s aura. Several strangers who aren’t even saying it because they’ve spent time with me have come up to me out of nowhere on the street to say “I can feel your energy, and it’s amazing.” I’M NOT KIDDING. MULTIPLE TIMES. Friends can attest to this. Maybe they’re mentally ill but whatever, I dig it. But it’s validated from loved ones, friends, family members, and people who have worked with me, who say the same thing, that I have an infectious energy that makes people feel good and happy and it’s clear how much I love being alive and I make things fun and lively and hype people up just from my the energy I give off. That’s 100 percent true.

11. I have an INSANE memory. I remember everything. Which I guess explains the former point, about the song lyrics.

12. BIGGEST PET PEEVES – 1.) When people are slow turners. When they are turning, whether left or right, and don’t just GET THEIR FUCKING CAR OVER, and it’s like they’re nonchalantly taking a stroll into the other lane, my entire body is overcome with a physical rage at their inability to just GET THE FUCK OVER IF THEY’RE FUCKING TURNING ANYWAYS, WHAT ARE THEY STILL DOING IN THE LANE, TURN BITCH, FUCKING TURN YOUR CAR, WHYALDJFKLASJFLSJFLKSAJFSADLKFJSDLKFJDSKLFJSALFJSLFAJSFLASJFLSJAFALJFSALKFJASLFJASFJASLFSADJFSKALJFSADLFJSDLFJSALFJSA ALKFJDSLJFALK THE MADNESS.

2.) When technological devices die and I have to plug them in. Simply finding, picking up, untangling, and plugging in a cord, to charge a phone or computer, makes me irrationally furious. We can text with someone in Japan, travel to the moon, fly jet planes to different countries, face time with people hiking in Alaska while we’re in the middle of the ocean on a boat, and yet OUR FUCKING COMPUTERS AND PHONES NEED TO BE CHARGED EVERY 3 HOURS. WHAT.

WHAT.

I just realized it’s exactly like the food/peeing. Having to re-ful/charge things, whether bodies or devices, infuriates me. Everything should always just work non-stop forever with no refueling. Just work. Always. I hate being interrupted.

13. I scream when it’s cold. E.V.E.R.Y. single time i get into a cold car, it can be 4 x a day, if it’s cold when I get in, I scream. It’s really weird and I do it unconsciously. It’s like an energy that needs to be released. I do not know how to get into a cold car and not scream. I don’t know when it started. It’s weird.

14. I am the greatest parallel park EVER. Like I am SICK. SICK. NASTY. DIRTY. RUTHLESS. at parallel parking. I will MURDER you at parallel parking.

15. I take almost 4 baths a day most days. A bath to me is hopping in for 10 minutes to get warm and then get out. Sometimes I’ll get in, get out, live life for an hour, and then get back in. This also goes hand in hand with another random fact about me which is that I am always cold, unless its 75 degrees and above. If it is seventy degrees, I’m still cold. People are like “omg this weather is beauuutifulll!!! So happy it’s 65 degrees” and I’m like “that’s fucking freezing.” 80 is basically my minimum. Miami, New Orleans, and yes D.C. in the summer, when it’s oppressive muggy heat, is like perfect to me. I love being bathed by warm air that stays in the air even at 4 in the morning. Walking outside in the middle of the night in Miami, D.C. and New Orleans and feeling that heat is one of my favorite sensations ever.

16. I hate spring. It’s a bullshit joke of a season that doesn’t own up to anything and is summed up by me as watery ,muddy, worms. It’s like watered-down tea. That’s what spring is to me. Metaphorically and literally. Like a watery cup of earl grey tea that’s been sitting out for 7 hours. Spring is a joke.

17. Every time a Drake song comes on the radio when I am driving, I think to myself “yes, Drake is my favorite rapper.” I don’t mean a new Drake song, I literally mean A-N-Y time any Drake song comes on, whether new or old, or the 4th Drake song I’ve heard that day, something about having the time and mental space of being in the car, alone, driving, where I can really sit back and listen to every word he raps, and relish in the hilarity and cleverness of his lyrics and his sexy voice, affirms that he is my favorite rapper. This is subject to change but without fail if a song of his comes on the radio in the car, I think it.

18. Something about female heroines in movies that are right, about where or who the killer is, or whatever truth, and people not believing them and making them out to be crazy, drives me CRAZY. I can’t handle beleaguered movie heroines who nobody believes and brushes off as crazy women. Rosemary’s Baby is one of my top 5 favorite movies, but/and when she’s right about everything but everyone makes her out to be “a hysterical woman” and puts her in a hospital and no one believes her, I was crawling out of my skin with anger, frustration and rage. I was SCREAMING at the screen. I hate it. I hate the era, and feel like it still kind of exits (?!?!?!?) when women were right about things, or alternatively, passionate about them, or just plain old…BEING HUMAN, like having thoughts and feelings and expressing sexuality or a range of emotions, or fear, or sadness, or anger, everyone acts like they’re crazy ass hysterical bitches who need to be in a padded cell under supervision. The Yellow Wallpaper KILLS me. Like it causes me legitimate stress.

19. I’m super independent. I enjoy doing things alone and frequently do, mostly because I don’t have time to sit around waiting for someone else to come with me. If I want to see a museum exhibit, I go. If I want to try a new coffee shop or restaurant, I go. When I studied abroad in Barcelona, I traveled to Paris, Rome, and Portugal alone – I eventually met up with and stayed with friends, but in Rome I spent every day alone. I toured the entire city by myself, including the Vatican, Coliseum and ruins. Just straight up…me myself and I, on a bus to the Vatican, wandering through the ground floor and taking in the Pieta, up and around every level, and the roof and everything, just moi. I especially love spending days in cities wandering and shopping alone, like Brooklyn and LA.

20. I love buckets, bowls, and chairs. Every time I go into GoodWood, what tempts me is the bowls, buckets, and chairs. I love chairs of every style era shape and size and color, and same with bowls and buckets. Deep and shallow, silver metallic and gold metallic, wood, metal, marble, engraved with Native American designs, standing on duck feet, wide, deep, shallow, circular, square, tall and narrow, what have you. And same with boxes. Boxes buckets bowls and chairs. Oh shit and baskets. Boxes buckets bowls baskets and chairs.

21. Salted butter is one of my favorite things on earth. Butter that isn’t salted is an embarrassment/a non-thing.

22. I am extremely passionate about customer service. When I have good customer service in ANY industry, I am genuinely filled to the brim with gratitude and appreciation. I will tip someone 400% when they do good work and are an awesome person. I do not care about math, percentage, standards, or my income. I will give my last 50 dollars to an awesome service that only cost 10 if I feel like it. I have and I do and I give zero fucks. I will always be compelled to monetarily thank someone for their talent and attitude. When I have bad customer service, I am enraged to my core, to the brink of tears sometimes.  I hate being treated poorly as a paying customer and it shakes me on a cellular level.

23. I change my mind every. single. day. (sometimes 3 times in one day) on whether or not I want to have kids.

24. I give zero fucks about tap water. I have all these bougie friends who will only drink filtered water and think it’s gross to not, and only drink from a Brita and nothing has ever phased me less. People are always apologizing for their tap water and I like, laugh. Basically if it’s a state in the United States, I will drink from the tap. I will drink from a water fountain, I will drink from anywhere that has water basically unless it’s like somewhere sketchy in Mexico. But I’m weird about other health/germ things. Like I hate door handles and buttons on elevators. But door handles are the worst. I always open them with my shirt. Almost always.

25. I sleep with a noise machine. I love white noise. Fans, air conditioners. It’s soothing and reminds me of summer.

26. I’m such a good shopper I think I would make an excellent buyer as an alternative profession.

27. I love and drink regular Coca Cola. I laugh in the face of diet drinks. A fresh ice cold coke poured over ice is one of my favorite treats.

28. If I love a new song, I will listen to it to a number of times in a row that you actually wouldn’t believe. Like 600. Like just over and over and over and over and over and over again. The most recent one I did this with was Iggy Azaela’s Fancy, which I am now sufficiently over, since I listened to it so many times over my birthday weekend, and the next one I’ve borderline ruined is Doc Hollywood & Ya Boy’s I’m at my Palm Springs Beach House.

And a 29th for fun: LA is my favorite American city and Barcelona is my favorite European city. They’re tied as my favorite cities on earth.

8 Comments

Filed under Good Shit You Should Know About, Life and things, LOLz, Me, Ramblings and Musings, Random

8 responses to “28 Random Things About Me In Honor of My 28th Birthday

  1. Sara Sutherland Rogers

    My very favorite thing about this article is that I would say that all of these things were true about you 18 years ago. The only difference is that instead of chewing ice, you were sucking sodas in that weird way you used to do. My husband does something similar with his Coke’s (bc diet coke blows) and I think of you almost every time. Hope you are well. Cheers to our 28th!

    • awwww Sara this was the cutest comment ever and made me so happy!!!!!!! Thank you for commenting!!! Haha sooo funny that you remember these things about me from early on, just goes to show we are who we are! I neeeed to meet your husband and see you one of these days, and your dogs make me happy/jealous that I don’t own them on a daily basis. Love you!!!! oxoxoxoxo

  2. LOVE LOVE LOVE this. This is why you’re my favorite blogger. Thanks for being so honest and unapologetically you. :)

  3. anna

    do you know the lyrics to Brandy?

  4. Susana Guerra

    Loved this whole thing. I want to comment on almost everything you wrote. Btw, when she was younger, your aunt Blanqui was the most adept and ruthless parallel parker EVER! It may be a genetic thing. To this day I have friends who won’t park on the streets of Manhattan because, and I quote, “they are not taking the chance that someone like Blanqui might park on either side of their car and ruin it.” And oh, that staring thing you do? I do it too, except I once had a bf who was extremely humorless, jealous and volatile to the point where his reaction made me afraid to look at people while I was with him. I still stare, and now I hope I don’t get caught because I’m usually trying to take a candid street shot.

  5. DPU

    this is great! I really like your writing. happy birthday!

  6. kb

    um, i just sent this to my friend and his response was, “OMG you guys should be best friends although chances are the world might literally implode on itself from all the nonsense.”

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