Portlandia Pug Crawl

Jesus fucking christ. I am losing. my. SHIT. OVER. THIS. My friend sent this to me and I went NUTS. Like I can’t handle something this hilarious. Here is the thing about pugs, okay?— you don’t have to be a pug owner, to appreciate their UTTER. AND COMPLETE. RIDICULOUSNESS as living beings on this earth. They look…like…FREAKS. Bug eyed. Fat. Wrinkled. Weird little curly-q tails that make literally zero sense. Smushed noses. Snorting and huffing. They are total freaks of specimens and their personalities ARE. HILARIOUS because they have NO idea how ridiculous they are and think they are as big and as able as a German Shephard. Anyone with a pug will tell you that they have absolutely ZERO self awareness. They are the antithesis of anything that should exist in the chain of life on planet earth, and have absolutely nothing to do with natural selection or Darwin because these dogs are JOKES. God put pugs on this earth to be my breed of choice because they could NOT. BE. QUIRKIER or more absurd.  Their expressions are absoultely priceless. French Bulldogs are cool. Like when a French Bulldog walks down the street, you take shit seriously. They command respect. Bulldogs (not the french kind) are badass. Golden Reterievers are sweet. Terriers are smart. Poodles are assholes. Pugs…are pathetic. Pugs THINK they are the hot shit, and have no idea what they look like to the rest of the world. And now I will take you through my favorite pictures from the parade.

Hahaha ballerina pug is so over this shit. It did one plié and was like ‘fuck it I’m out.’

HAHHAA while ballerina pug is ‘so over’ this shit, Banana Split pug is ALL OVER this shit. He is MEAN MUGGIN’. Yeah I’m in a red-and-white checkered banana suit, and…what’s your point. Don’t fuck with banana split pug.

Ewok pug is so earnestly disillusioned. He literally doesn’t know what he did to deserve this and just looks sad and repentant.

Stroller pug is my ABSOLUTE FAVORITE. IS THIS A JOKE?!?!? I CANT. STOP. LAUGHING. LOOK AT HIS FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE IS LIKE “HEY GUYS! IT’S ME! STROLLER PUG! I’LL BE HERE THROUGH SEPTEMBER, CASH AND CREDIT CARD ACCEPTED!” hahahha he is SO HAPPY AND JOYFUL. THAT DOG IS LOVING THIS FUCKING SPOTLIGHT. LOOK AT IT’S BACK TOE POINTED!!!!!! HE LEGITIMATELY IS PUSHING THAT STROLLER LIKE ‘BITCH I OWN THIS SHOW.’ oh my GOD. Also like..where is his human? Every other picture from the parade shows at least like a human leg or arm or leash in the picture, but stroller pug is legit on his own. Like he registered himSELF for the parade and walked his ass down to the show, with stroller in tow. He literally is alone.

HAHAH OKAY WHEN I SAID TWO SECONDS AGO THAT STROLLER PUG WAS MY FAVORITE, I LIED. Greek. God. Pug. I mean this is comedic genius. HAHAHAH THE MEN in their togas and wreaths, with that alien pug up there on the pedestal, with it’s like throne and ivy. I mean that pug legit looks like a king. It’s puffing its chest out proudly. He looks like he was born up there on that pedestal. Total joke.

HAHAHAHAHHA THE EXPRESSION ON THIS “PUGBR”. (Instead of PBR..get it). HE IS STRUTTING. HIS. SHIT. Like the PUGBR that he is. Unreal.

Pug with Cherry on Top. Stop. Dude is on a MISSION.

Pig Pug. I mean, I can’t. I can’t.

HAHAH MAD-MEN PUG. They have on suits and ties and are all chic and shit. The best part is the handler. She is dressed up like Joan and looovvvinggg it. This was about her, not the madmen pugs. Don’t think for a second this was about Pug1 and Pug2.

Very clever, anonymous Portlandian. Very clever. I-pug.

LadyPug instead of Ladybug! Presh.

And that concludes my commentary on the 11th Annual Portlandian Pug Crawl. I WILL attend the 12th annual next year. TRY to think I’m kidding.

Photo Credit And Original Source Here.

UPDATE: MOTHER FUCKING UPDATE: I was just talking to my friend who sent me the link telling him about how I think we should do a ‘stoner pug’, all chilled out with like, a white costume shaped like a blunt or something else ridiculous with like dreads and shit, and he goes “NUGPUG.” UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM TRADEMARKED. HERE. AND. NOW. NUG-PUG. WILL BE DEBUTING AT THE 12TH ANNUAL PUGLANDIA PUG CRAWL NEXT YEAR. SEE YOU LATER PUGS.


Filed under LOLz

9 responses to “Portlandia Pug Crawl

  1. ohmygodpointedtoeohmygod

  2. hahaha I updated the stroller-pug comment probably WHILE you were typing this so check it out. I realized ….he is alone. No human.

  3. Cait

    I just want to quit life because nothing will ever make me laugh out loud longer than this blog post did…and now I’m depressed for future comedic moments. Are you kidding me stroller pug???? I AM DYING AT HIS POINTED TOE.

  4. that’s the best part.

  5. Love stroller pug but iPug is very original. Weird tongue though.

  6. E$

    HOLY SHIT. POINTED TOE PUG. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!! Hands down, your best post ever. He logged on to on his computer at home, registered himself for the Puglandia Pug Crawl, drove his car over to the parade, parallel parked it, and strutted his shit down that catwalk.


  8. ali$$a

    haha stroller pug is the best. she/he reminds me of like a fat actress in a southern movie that takes place in the 50s. Like Fried green tomatoes or whatever the eff that movie was, that genre or like something on a plantation. how the hell is that dog walking on two legs and pushing a stroller with such ease haha, i wish there was a video with it.

    You’ve got to be kidding me. You HAVE video on your wall? now it’s kind of scary looking.

  9. M@

    Hahahaha AMAZING POST!

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